Blood, Bud, and beer nuts

It's Shirley, and don't you fucking dare make an Airplane! reference.
booty clapper(s)
You shouldn't trust me with your ears.

Shoot me. Just shoot me now.

Put a blind fold on me. Lead me into traffic.

Feed me some super spoiled meat.

Really. How is it I’m incapable of feeling what I’m supposed to.

I promise you it will be a legitimate cause. I’m like a horse with a bad leg.

I’m not equipped to deal with human relationships of any kind.

Side note, I just killed an ant and teared up because why the fuck did that ant need to die?

What the hell are my feelings doing?

CUT THEM OUT OF ME. PLEASE. I’LL BE MORE EFFICIENT WITHOUT THEM.

It’s not even PMS, that’s the worst part. I’ve got nothing to blame the hysteria on.

Holy SHIT. My entire brain is malfunctioning.

Anonymous asked: It's a shame, that you don't see how beautiful and terrific that you really are.

I have an itching suspicion that this is either Kaley, Brittany or Ashton. But either way, whoever you are, I needed that.

Do it right in the pooper. Hit my turds. My darling boyfriend, everybody. -